Ask The Sexpert: Just How Can Lesbians Have Safer Intercourse?

Ask The Sexpert: Just How Can Lesbians Have Safer Intercourse?

Newsflash: you should be utilizing condoms. Yes, CONDOMS.

Recently, I’ve been seeing a complete lot of various wellness resources and community leaders mention exactly just just how lesbians don’t need condoms at all within their intercourse techniques. And also this basic concept honestly perplexes me personally! Each and every time we see clearly someplace, we pause and think huh? Where did these social individuals manage to get thier safer intercourse information from?

This is certainly an integral part of a larger societal issue for the reason that lesbian, queer and bi women can be frequently put aside into the discussion about intimate health insurance and STIs. It is as if individuals believe that STIs only result from penises and therefore lesbian, queer and women that are bisexual ever have actually penises.

News flash: STIs are handed down in lots of different means. Through epidermis to epidermis contact. From rectal intercourse. From oral intercourse. From sharing adult sex toys. Basically any type of sex that you’re having, it’s most likely that STIs can come to be offered, from individual to individual. It’s also essential to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies often have actually penises. Or often we utilize dildos during intercourse. As well as for both a dildo and a penis, condoms may be used as a barrier approach to reduce the likelihood of STIs being passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is crucial to notice if you test positive for an STI that it’s not the end of the world. Your lifetime along with your sex-life aren’t over. Then we can all grow and learn together—and have more pleasurable sex if we are able to have access to this kind of safer sex information!

We’ve currently talked about various barrier techniques that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies may use whenever sex with one another. And yes, condoms are a part of those choices. You should use condoms as being a barrier whenever having a penis in vagina or when having anal intercourse, whenever you’re utilizing a sex toy or dildo, and you will additionally cut a condom down the center (with scissors) if you want a dental dam for analingus or sex that is oral. They don’t need condoms to practice safer sex, we are perpetuating this myth that our sex is intrinsically safe from any STIs being shared when we tell women who sleep with other women that.

Numerous of my lesbian, queer and bisexual buddies often laugh about how exactly they don’t training safer intercourse. We hear queer ladies make jokes about dental dams and exactly how they not have when utilized them. All this makes me wonder whom inside our community do really exercise safer intercourse? And whenever we aren’t using barrier techniques, are we then having in-depth conversations about our intimate wellness before we f*ck? Are we constantly prioritizing getting tested between our lovers? And not only a pap smear (for the reason that it does not protect all of it), but like getting a work that is full?

We don’t say some of this become judgmental, after all.

I’ve already been that woman to laugh about dental dams. I’ve additionally had one evening appears where i did son’t prioritize me personally or my partner’s health that is sexual. But i would like us to accomplish better. I would like us to help you to have genuine, nuanced conversations about our intimate wellness. Given that it matters, babes. And I also need to get previous laughing about dental dams and shrugging down condoms as a choice.

Often in this discussion, we have expected well, just what if i wish to make use of a dental dam but she does not believe that’s sexy? This fear is really so extensive that personally i think like a lot of lesbian, queer and women that are bisexual also afraid to inquire of their lovers to rehearse safer intercourse. But without a doubt a queer girl key, getting dental intercourse by way of a dental dam is sexy and seems amazing. In reality, the individual it truly changes things for could be the individual offering the oral. It’s a bit that is little of an event, but the one that you could get utilized to! It’s sexy for anyone getting because 1. you’re both prioritizing each other’s intimate wellness, which will be hot AF and 2. during my honest opinion, it nevertheless seems enjoyable as f*ck.

I additionally discover how hard it may be to bring within the conversation of STIs just before have sexual intercourse, particularly if you’ve never ever had intercourse with this specific individual prior to. The one thing I’ve discovered in my own several years of messily sex that is navigating relationships is once I consult with somebody in regards to the sort of intercourse both of us wish to have and in what sorts of obstacles you want to use— We have wayyyy better intercourse. Like I’m maybe maybe not saying this because I’m a sex geek. I’m telling you my truthful queer woman truth. Sex is way better whenever you mention desire along with your figures first.

Let’s break it down.

Both You and this potential hookup don’t know each other’s systems yet. Every person that is single their particular desires and ticks and techniques, that turn them the f*ck on. And even though you’re having sex to figure out what while you could play a guessing game

because of this brand new individual, you can rather, explore it beforehand. Is not it enjoyable in order to f*ck some body the means they would like to be f*cked? Then chances are you know already the go-to spot you want to build up to and how to get them to be putty in your hand for them, where.

You want to use while you’re having sex—a lot of people think it’s super not sexy and takes all the fun out of it when it comes to talking about what barriers and/or toys. But imagine if you’re sex nevertheless the whole time you’re anxious as you actually wished to make use of a dental dam but didn’t understand how to tell her that and today you can’t have an orgasm because you’re so in your mind about maybe not talking up to meet your needs? That’s no enjoyable for anybody, trust in me. Whenever you have that discussion taken care of before starting sex, then chances are you already know just to choose the condom if you use your strap-on or whether she’s cool with fluid bonding or not. They are important components of intercourse so we should not ignore them.

We have research for many of you scanning this now. The time that is next having an innovative new hookup with some body, attempt to integrate several of those conversations before you strike the bedsheets and find out just exactly just what the outcome are. We bet you that you’ll have actually some mind-blowing consensual safer intercourse!

Updated: November 16, 2019 — 10:06 am

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